Narrative Peer Review

I found peer review to be less helpful this time around.  This could be because people were not exactly sure what to look for in a narrative essay.  It's atypical structure and creative format could have made it more difficult to pin-point major errors.  I feel that after the peer review had been concluded I was still left with some major doubts about the overall quality of my writing.

An Unsatisfactory Dining Experience

I'm moping around in my dorm playing bass guitar, compulsively checking my email, and reading pages from Keith Richard's "LIFE."  I realize that it's getting late and I should probably head to the dining commons before dinner is over.  I get up off my bed and catch my reflection in the mirror, and quickly straighten out a few hairs that are sicking straight out the side of my head.  I fill my pockets with my ID card, room key, menthol cigarettes, and a lighter.  I put my shoes on and slip outside, locking the door behind me.  The air is cool and damp from the afternoon rain, and I redirect my gaze to the sky above me.  After a relaxing walk I make it to the dining commons, greeted by an obnoxiously long line and a noisy crowd.  I usually get a spinach wrap with only vegetables, no dressing.  Today, I felt like changing it up a little...I got a tomato wrap instead.  To my dismay, they were out of lettuce.  On the outside I maintained my sociable smile while I was really pissed off about the lettuce.  I all get in my wrap is vegetables, and now they're out of lettuce?!?  The woman with the black pony-tail gave me a large, wet pickle on the side to make up for the lack of substance.  She handed me the wrap and I was on my way.  I finally got back to my room, turned on the the TV, and plopped on my bed.  The pickle had soaked through the paper and had gotten my bed all wet...just great.  I stole a paper plate from my roommate and transferred over my food.  The pickle had also made my wrap extraordinarily soggy.  I shoved the food in my mouth as quickly as I could, eating only for sustenance.  Being extremely unsatisfied I finished off my meal with a granola bar I fished out of my closet.  I hope my dinner tomorrow is better, today's really sucked!

A Response to Narrative Writing

1.  These essays differ from more common types of essays because they have an atypical structure and rely on personal experience and thought to make an argument or prove a point.

2.  "I Kept Playing- The Costs of my Gaming Addiction:"
 The purpose of the essay was to shed light on the negative consequences of gaming addiction and show how someone could let their life slip through their fingers without noticing until it's too late.  The audience the author is speaking to are typically gamers with advanced gaming experience.  The essay also speaks to parents who wish to monitor their childrens game playing.

Grounded In Time (Free Write #2)

There are a lot of things I wonder about.  I wonder why some people live in the past.  They can never let go or progress, constantly intoxified by memories.  Instead of doing anything to change their current quality of life, they dwell on that which has be solidified and grounded in time.  My grandmother has dementia and Alzheimers.  She asks my father if I'm his daughter.  She doesn't remember how many children she had.  She can no longer care for herself.  She spends ALL of her time sleeping her life away.  She has wanted to die for nearly two decades.  She lost her husband 19 years ago, and has never been the same since.

When Reality Becomes Illusion (Free Write #1)

I lie on my back staring at the ceiling, the world spinning around me.  My consciousness disintegrates, merging with my surroundings.  My chest feels like it's burning and constricted as my heart pounds beneath the flesh.  I can't breath; the color drained from my lips.  My limbs are cold and clammy; I can barely make a fist.  Nothing can still my mind and ease the fear.  Even held in a loving embrace I remain disconnected, yet simultaneously a part of everything in existence.  It's too easy to just let go and allow myself to sink under; a fallen victim to distress and tragedy.  I can't stop moving.  I won't stop moving.  Don't let yourself drift away.  Keep looking into his eyes.  Remain conscious.  Deep breaths.  Relax.  You'll make it through this...I'm slipping away.  I can't surrender.  Could this really be it?!?  Fear floods through me once more making every second seem like an eternity of unbearable torture.

Vanity, Thy Name Is Meterosexual

1. The author defines metrosexual as "a man who seems stereotypically gay except when it comes to sexual orientation."  She connects it to a larger argument by making visible its ties to the work force and the gross national product.

2. Our perception of the static male figure is at stake in her argument.  She makes this clear by touching upon the various male archetypes.

3. Her ideas about the motivation behind the metrosxual trend helped make her argument more effective.  Instead of just stating its definition, she looked deeper into the possible reasons for this trend. 

Topic Proposal

Solitary Confinement is a form of Torture.

Torture:

• Causes extreme temporary or long-term discomfort
• Results in serious psychological damage
• Used as means of punishment or persuation
• The infliction of excruciating suffering, anguish, agony, or torment

Peer Review

I thought the peer review process was extremely helpful.  It really opened my eyes to different angles in my writing that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.  It allowed for better analysis and the construction more cohesive points.  I got some really good feedback.  People pointed out exactly what was weak in my argument and needed more support, and what needed to be clarified.  This was helpful because it led me to think more about what would be clear to my audience.  There is no part of the peer review process that I found unhelpful.  I always appreciated the variety of comments given to me.  In editing and reviewing others' papers, and seeing what worked and didn't work in their writing, I was able to learn how to fix or avoid similar errors in my own work.  I will look forward to the next time we do peer review.

Building a World One Atom at a Time

• The main point of contention between Drexler and Smalley is their belief in the way nanotehnology must be manufactured, and also the existence of "Smalley fingers."
• What is at stake in their argument is the ability to dramatically influence future development in the field of nanotechnology.
• Both Drexler and Smalley use certain strategies to refute each other.
•  Smalley:
• Introduces chemistry in the simplest use of the term.
•  Says that the potential risk of losing control of the self-replicating nanobots is a great threat to society and the world as we know it.
• States the nanobots can be easily misused by skilled individuals such as computer hackers and have a high potential for mutation.
• Concludes his argument by stating the impossibility of the integration of nanotechnology.  That wishing it were so will not make it happen.
• Drexler:
• Begins his argument by mentioning the specific field in nanotechnology he is associated with.
• He clearly states his intent in the argument. "You have attempted to dismiss my work in this field by misrepresenting it."
• Points out that the technology described in Smalley's argument is false.  He calls the apparent "stick finger" problem "Smalley fingers." (I find that quite humorous)
• Establishes his credibility by referencing the other literature he has written in successfully supporting his idea and that other names in the field respect his work.
• Consistently continues to point out the invalidity of Smalley's argument.
• States that Smalley's misdirected arguments have needlessly confused public discussion.
• Uses Smalley's own words against him. '"when a scientist says something is possible, they're probably underestimating how long it will take. But if they say it's impossible, they're probably wrong." The scientist quoted is, of course, Richard Smalley.' (Again, quite humorous)
• Smalley develops his ethos by addressing the apparent disaster that could result from self-replicating nanobots "Self-replicating nanobots would be the equivalent of a new parasitic life-form, and there might be no way to keep them from expanding indefinitely until everything on earth became an undifferentiated mass of gray goo."
  Drexler develops his ethos by noting both the potential risks as well as the opportunities provided by his work. "The consequences of molecular manufacturing are widely understood to be enormous, posing opportunities and dangers of first-rank importance to the long-term security of the U.S. and the world."
• Logical Fallacies Presented in the Debate:
• Smalley:
• He begins a part of his argument with "For fun," then continues to explain the theory behind nanobots.  This shows that he thinks the idea is ridiculous and cannot be credited. By doing so he is misrepresenting the serious nature of the argument.
• The "Either-Or" fallacy is evident in Smalley's argument of the nature of nanotechnology.  That moving atoms requires these big, sticky fingers and that there is no other way to accomplish such a task. As with any complex situation, there are usually many alternate solutions. "To put every atom in its place—the vision articulated by some nanotechnologists— would require magic fingers. Such a nanobot will never become more than a futurist’s daydream."
• Drexler:
•  Drexler's claim appears to be very plausible...in a virtual setting.  Applied full-scale, it may not seem very approachable. 
•  I find Drexler's argument to be more convincing.  It does not leave out important events that have occurred in the field of nanotechnology and does not appear to be misleading, as is the case with Smalley's argument.

-Wow, is Smalley funny or what? "There is no question that many of these youngsters have been told a bedtime story that is deeply troubling. You and people around you have scared our children [...] There will be no such monster as the self-replicating mechanical nanobot of your dreams."

Venilation

I awaken.
Afraid to open my eyes and let the world come into focus.
I cannot separate myself from the dimension in which I dwell.
Uninhibited.
For all to view. 
A self anew.
I allow myself to sink under.
Calamity forever haunting.