Editing Activity

Things That Made The Papers Effective:
1. The successful integration of reflection and anecdotes.
2. Subtly and effectively conveying a main point or argument.
3. Digressing enough for clarity and needed information, while still maintaining focus.
4. Successfully painting a picture and establishing an appropriate tone.
5. Complete immersion in a certain time and place.
6. The ability to search inside for something deeper and truly analyze specific life ocurances.
7. Abstractly and creatively crafting thoughts and ideas.

What I Should Integrate Into My Own Writing:
1. Integration of reflection and anecdotes.
2. Clearly conveying a main point or argument.
3. Maintaining relevance and focus.
4. Establishing an appropriate tone and self-characterization.
5. Clearly dictating the passing of time and the importance of certain events.

Cultural Evaluation Topic Proposal

I am evaluating Mass Effect as a good Video Game because it incorporates social diversity, elaborate decision making, and serves as a positive representation of moral.  This can be related to the diversity present across the world, U.S. included, and its ties to the definition of humanity.

Narrative Peer Review

I found peer review to be less helpful this time around.  This could be because people were not exactly sure what to look for in a narrative essay.  It's atypical structure and creative format could have made it more difficult to pin-point major errors.  I feel that after the peer review had been concluded I was still left with some major doubts about the overall quality of my writing.

An Unsatisfactory Dining Experience

I'm moping around in my dorm playing bass guitar, compulsively checking my email, and reading pages from Keith Richard's "LIFE."  I realize that it's getting late and I should probably head to the dining commons before dinner is over.  I get up off my bed and catch my reflection in the mirror, and quickly straighten out a few hairs that are sicking straight out the side of my head.  I fill my pockets with my ID card, room key, menthol cigarettes, and a lighter.  I put my shoes on and slip outside, locking the door behind me.  The air is cool and damp from the afternoon rain, and I redirect my gaze to the sky above me.  After a relaxing walk I make it to the dining commons, greeted by an obnoxiously long line and a noisy crowd.  I usually get a spinach wrap with only vegetables, no dressing.  Today, I felt like changing it up a little...I got a tomato wrap instead.  To my dismay, they were out of lettuce.  On the outside I maintained my sociable smile while I was really pissed off about the lettuce.  I all get in my wrap is vegetables, and now they're out of lettuce?!?  The woman with the black pony-tail gave me a large, wet pickle on the side to make up for the lack of substance.  She handed me the wrap and I was on my way.  I finally got back to my room, turned on the the TV, and plopped on my bed.  The pickle had soaked through the paper and had gotten my bed all wet...just great.  I stole a paper plate from my roommate and transferred over my food.  The pickle had also made my wrap extraordinarily soggy.  I shoved the food in my mouth as quickly as I could, eating only for sustenance.  Being extremely unsatisfied I finished off my meal with a granola bar I fished out of my closet.  I hope my dinner tomorrow is better, today's really sucked!

A Response to Narrative Writing

1.  These essays differ from more common types of essays because they have an atypical structure and rely on personal experience and thought to make an argument or prove a point.

2.  "I Kept Playing- The Costs of my Gaming Addiction:"
 The purpose of the essay was to shed light on the negative consequences of gaming addiction and show how someone could let their life slip through their fingers without noticing until it's too late.  The audience the author is speaking to are typically gamers with advanced gaming experience.  The essay also speaks to parents who wish to monitor their childrens game playing.

Grounded In Time (Free Write #2)

There are a lot of things I wonder about.  I wonder why some people live in the past.  They can never let go or progress, constantly intoxified by memories.  Instead of doing anything to change their current quality of life, they dwell on that which has be solidified and grounded in time.  My grandmother has dementia and Alzheimers.  She asks my father if I'm his daughter.  She doesn't remember how many children she had.  She can no longer care for herself.  She spends ALL of her time sleeping her life away.  She has wanted to die for nearly two decades.  She lost her husband 19 years ago, and has never been the same since.

When Reality Becomes Illusion (Free Write #1)

I lie on my back staring at the ceiling, the world spinning around me.  My consciousness disintegrates, merging with my surroundings.  My chest feels like it's burning and constricted as my heart pounds beneath the flesh.  I can't breath; the color drained from my lips.  My limbs are cold and clammy; I can barely make a fist.  Nothing can still my mind and ease the fear.  Even held in a loving embrace I remain disconnected, yet simultaneously a part of everything in existence.  It's too easy to just let go and allow myself to sink under; a fallen victim to distress and tragedy.  I can't stop moving.  I won't stop moving.  Don't let yourself drift away.  Keep looking into his eyes.  Remain conscious.  Deep breaths.  Relax.  You'll make it through this...I'm slipping away.  I can't surrender.  Could this really be it?!?  Fear floods through me once more making every second seem like an eternity of unbearable torture.